It was one day before Christmas,
My shopping was all done.
I felt that I had earned the right,
To have a bit of fun.
So I took a quart of eggnog,
With a half a quart of rye.
Then I sneaked into my workshop,
To drink it on the sly.
Now my wife had clearly mentioned,
That it was up to me.
To wrap the presents I had bought,
And put them on the tree.
But after several drinks I found,
The time had slipped away.
When suddenly I thought, my God!
Tomorrow’s Christmas day.
I guess it’s time that I got down,
To what I came here for.
The gifts are hidden in that trunk,
That sits behind the door.
With rolls of wrapping paper,
With tape and scissors too,
Some ribbons and some colored bows,
Some red, some green, some blue.
Just how I got them all wrapped up,
I don’t intend to tell.
When all the paper was used up,
The tape was gone as well.
To me it did not look too bad,
At least from where I stood.
The wrapping was not very neat,
Yet I thought it was good.
Ten presents I had on display,
All lined up in a row.
In order of my shopping list,
I knew where they would go.
The first in line was my dear wife,
The last was Uncle Jim.
Of course I thought the world of her,
But not too much of him.
Then with the name tags I sat down,
Where I began to write.
Whatever came into my head,
It was a crazy night.
Now with my love of poetry,
For each I wrote a verse.
While some of them were not so good,
The rest were ten times worse.
So I finished up my eggnog,
As time went marching by.
Glued the name tags on each present,
And finished with a sigh.
Thank God that part is over,
It sure is hard on me,
To get so many presents wrapped,
To put beneath the tree.
But just one thing I did not know,
As I turned out the light.
All the name tags on my presents
Should be from left to right.
Well perhaps it was the eggnog,
Or maybe I was cursed.
Yet somehow it just happened,
The name tags got reversed.
When Christmas morning finally came,
And gifts were handed out.
When voices filled with pure delight,
Began to laugh and shout.
I began to get the feeling,
When thanks was passed around,
That some were not so happy with,
The gifts that they had found.
For I spied little Sammy boy,
Like only small boys are,
A doll held sadly in his arms,
While Susie got the car.
While poor old Uncle Elmer,
Without a strand of hair,
Sat with a curling iron in hand.
All he could do was stare.
While good old sister Eloise,
A smile upon her face.
Was holding up a fishing rod,
That looked so out of place.
Then my first Cousin Susie Mae,
Who’s eighty eight years old.
Said thank you for the socket set,
Although her voice was cold.
While Brother Stan the handy man,
With voice so very low,
Said thank you for the pretty shawl,
I’ll wear it when I go.
My wife said, “Oh your funny dear,
Such cleaver lines of wit.
But I don’t see the humor in,
A compact shaving kit.”
It says, “Next time you take a shave,
Wherever you may be,
I hope this razor serves you well,
So think kind thoughts of me.”
Then Uncle Jim now turned to me,
His face was crimson red.
He held up frilly lingerie,
And with this verse that said,
“I’m giving you this special gift,
With hopes it will inspire,
A greater meaning to our love,
Our passion and desire.”
It was then that I decided,
I did not need more proof.
The time had surely come around,
For me to tell the truth.
It took some time to sort it out,
Which gift was meant for who.
To beg all their forgiveness for,
The crazy things I do.
But next time Christmas rolls around,
When wrapping time draws near,
I’ll wrap my presents long before,
I drink my cup of cheer.